Sunday, September 14, 2008
My thoughts are still a little jumbled and I'm hoping this will help me sort them out, so bare with me. I've been thinking a lot lately about my responsibilities and privileges as a woman. I am a daughter, sister, aunt, granddaughter, niece, wife, and mother. Much has been given to me and much is expected. I convinced my sister and sister-in-law to go to a concert with me last night. It was the first time my sister had left her youngest baby for more than an hour or two and it was hard for her to leave. But it wasn't just hard for her. As the time drew nearer for us to get ready and then to leave, I found myself not wanting to go. I didn't want to leave my little family anymore than they wanted me to go. I felt like I was having to choose between two good things. I know how important it is for a mother to take time for herself and I know that the happier the mother, the better the mother. But just because I know something, doesn't mean it's easy to accept. I find myself often thinking about or wanting to have a girls night, go to the store alone, sit in church in peace and quiet, or have a day to myself to scrapbook. But then when the moment comes, I tell myself it's not that big of a deal to take my son to the store with me-why would I need a break from the light of my life anyway? But it's not just me time and family time I have to choose between. Sometimes I have to choose between my husband and son. I often feel like I have to choose which woman to be at that time. I have to choose between date night and family time, who I'll sleep in the same bed as, who gets kisses first, and sometimes who will be kept happy. And really, how does one choose between her best friend and her only child? Then there's extended family choices. At times we are asked to choose between families, between traditions and customs, between husband and mother. I, personally, am grateful that the choices I have to make are minor and for the most part, not life altering. We all have different choices to make and too often we beat ourselves up for choosing 'the wrong' one. And so I have a new resolve to think carefully about my choices then stand by my decision. My hope is for us all to learn from bad choices, make better ones, and enjoy the ride along the way.